Are we really lazy? How can we change ourselves?

 “You aren't lazy. You simply aren't ready to meet yourself on the other side. Because you won't have those reasons then, and living a fearless life isn't what you are used to. Finding security in your own achievement is the biggest achievement.” - Ankur Warikoo 

               The constant question in my mind was that I’m not able to wear out and be the person I actually imagine in my head. This becomes more difficult when you really don’t know what you want from life. I read a lot on spirituality, philosophy, law, science, self help, etc but I really don’t find one clear direction of where I should move. Today I was going through the book, “Do Epic Shit” (click to get the book) by Ankur Warikoo and the above quoted lines struck me so hard like a hammer on nail. I enlist so many to-do lists, fix something to start over and every time I stop it inbetween. I felt I have a problem with consistency but after skimming through those lines, now it actually makes sense. I just feared to identify my changed self and accept that I have changed and my life has changed. It simply says that you're not the self your life wants.

        The thought of becoming different itself is often uncomfortable to the wired brain. As everything is new to it, it drags you back to your old self. As I can’t be sure of my changed self and be unaware of where it’ll take me further, I always find solace with the self I’m right now. Maybe that’s the reason we all find it difficult to change. We are afraid of change. We feel insecure about our own self. We are very much conditioned in a way that we fear to realise the self we are becoming. We are very much comfortable with the self we are right now that we build habits which further emulsifies us not to go further. 

        We have to teach ourselves to be secure within. We fear what others will  think of us becoming someone they don’t identify.  We fear what if we lose ourselves in this process? We fear what if we become alone in this process? The brain always seeks for comfort. It doesn’t like trying new things which don't interest it. Maybe that’s the reason half of us become lazy over the process and repent later for wasting time? 

So how can we change ourselves? 

Initially we need to agree and make terms with ourselves that we are going to try something new, different from ourselves right now and it’s going to be uncomfortable for a while. We need to keep the brain in assurance that it’s secure.  We shouldn’t give up when it starts frustrating us as at any point in time we will definitely feel so. 

Now to make the actual change we need to do something that our usual self doesn’t do. We have to experiment with new things. This is the step of habit building. Let’s try to become comfortable by trying new things. The experiment will lead us to know whether we like something we tried and if at all we find some comfort with what we are trying, we need to get hold of it strongly. 

Ex: I want to become a litigator and one of the bests in that genre. The constant insecurity is that how can I be a litigator? It’s something new. It is a very uncomfortable thought. But later convincing myself to start, I started thinking like a litigator and not like a law student. I’m taking steps to understand the ground reality. I’m making it a habit to believe I’m a litigator and drive my actions accordingly. I have to read more case laws, practise better articulations, etc. Slowly I’m starting to get comfortable under my skin which now sets a direction. 

Note that there is a high probability that we don’t end up what we want now but starting on something will give us the actual direction as I said before. This process will also help us in building self-esteem and puts a cap on self doubt. Trying something and finding results will build confidence. It’s a system, we have to just change our inputs accordingly to reach wherever we imagine to become. That’s the reason successful people imagine a lot, accept where they are, know their starting line and set their path to a particular direction. There is something important to keep in mind as well- Patience!

“You can learn new things at any time in your life if you’re willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you.” – Barbara Shur

So to become a new self and break the chains of laziness and insecurity, get comfortable being a beginner again. Get comfortable with the thought that you want to change. Consciously force yourself to become comfortable with the process. Accept the thought that you no longer want to be the self you’re right now. Life is all about experiment. The experiment to know the capabilities of ourselves and lead a journey of our own whims and fancies.